sickling

night one

2011-12-15T00:15:00.002+08:00

my dad admitted again into hospital. mt alvernia. needed to take half day leave today and a full day leave tmr so that could keep an eye on him and to update everybody who are involved and who wants to know his condition so far. as of now, he's good. just dehydrated. so, on drip for dextrose + normal saline. he's weird though. dont want to bathe at all. REFUSES to take a bath. omg. and now the room smells. like stinky smell? even my mum realises it. he doesnt cos its his own smell, i think. so, he tak perasan. haiz....dunno what to say...i think i will be sleeping soon. now is 12:24am. i think i should not sleep tonight but i not sure. hahahah! getting colder though. i think mom just reduced the temperature of the aircon. hmmm

thats are the updates on my dad's condition.

no one is perfect. so shut up and move on. suckers.

2011-12-08T20:41:00.007+08:00

I dont like it when old birds dont have patience with the new birds. Even if they have been there for half of a year, that doesnt mean that they know everything fast and can do and get whatever that was thrown to them for the first time. everyone needs time to understand what to do and how to do it. everyone needs time to learn. and some more some people are slow at learning or catching what was thrown to them in a glance. no. one. is. perfect. all this cos they are new. but i do agree that some ASSes do take advantage of this opportunity to be stupid and slow and blur all at the same time. no. one. have that kind of patience in them. all will have limit one. we can only give leeway to those who deserve it and only for a certain period of time. i guess it sucks huh to be in either shoes.

CK is angry. he dont like chinese who are asses and suckers. he hates and despise them to the max. wow. i like him. heheh

today was soooo tiring. i even wished that the day to end early today. but waa....idiots man...

today was freaking busy. it was just freaking busy!!!!!!! AAARRRRGGHHH!!!!! AND I HATE AUNTY!!!!

2011-11-18T06:54:00.002+08:00

I cant believe I cried yesterday. I have never felt so scared in my whole pathetic life. And last night I cried cos of work? Or is it just pms? I think Im already pms, then work pressed the release button which was kindda loose cos of my pms. Damn it. So ugly. I looked so ugly last night and both CK and Aini saw it. I think there is nothing that could help me feel better abt today.

ur absence is not what I needed

2011-07-02T06:19:00.003+08:00

I need u here..i cry when I know are not around me anymore. my days are always unhappy ever since u went away. I have no one anymore because u are the one person that makes me feel better and makes evrrythg else seem like a small matter and I know I can conquer it. because u always say I can, motivates me to be the best that I can. I miss u so much. I have no one to turn to. and I am feeling terrible right now. I woke up and cry...what am I gonna now..i cant go on like this. I need ur hug, touch, words..i need u. Nt the idea of u. Just u. I know im being selfish but I really need u.

My day suck big time. Its nt the work load, its the ppl. They just must ruin the day. My day is gg to be forever terrible if I dun go away or maybe fight my way thru.

Haiz...i need u here, with me. Come here and give me ur hug so that I can get better and feel better. Faster...

I feel freaking alone rite now and too bad the ppl ard me now are not helping me get better. I need u.

I've been crying from the moment I woke up..i have nothing to make me feel better. It just keeps on rolling out. And I cant stop it at all...

I used to say that im born unhappy because of how I was born and how my face is. I have a frown for a face..doesnt that mean that I was never meant to be happy nor know how happy feels like? But when I met u, I found happy. U make me happy with the way u are and how u are to me. I need u. U nvr say goodbye. U always say see u later. I want to see u later...haiz...

meeting with u...i want it to be more often...can?

2011-06-22T03:38:00.001+08:00

i miss meeting up with some some people....i want to meet them....can i? please? lol

i want to meet up again with u all...and do what we do best. hahahah!!!

lol...ok...work starts like in a few hours time, and im not asleep yet. time check: 03:40am

lol....ok bye.

nephew...haiz...

2011-06-20T21:25:00.002+08:00

how am i to stand this little bugger..he has the blood of his bugger dad and the blood of his persistent mom. lol. oh well...hahah!! thats my nephew.

he is like camping here all the time. wrong. its like camping when he's around. hahahah!!! super cute lah this small guy...hahaha!

and the shows that he watches...lol...cute too!

but whenever i come close to him, he would always and fakely, cry. cry and cry and cry out loud. as if i hit him in the face or something. hahah! ish! one fine day i might just hit. hahahahah!!! kidding....

ok....im still on leave. haha!! tmr is my last day of this 5 day leave...haiz....so sad...hahahah!! back to war...

some people got the nerves..sheesh!

2011-06-18T15:41:00.000+08:00

some people are just so inconsiderate. need to slap that into their heads so that they can have alil heart for other people. even if u were treated that way before, that doesnt give u the right to treat others likewise. who do u think u are? u got no right to decide if that person should face the same shit that you did. keep it to urself to improve urself. spread the good, not the bad. idiots. why must make other people's lives miserable to make urs better? u can make ur life better without it ok. sheesh! you can so be happy without making others miserable. so sadist.

my life as of 26th december 2010

2010-12-26T09:31:00.002+08:00

2010 is ending!! in 5 days time! and i am still me!! at least i think so.

changes that happened:
- managed to get a 3mth long relationship. hahaha!!
- working adult, no more student.
- paying with my own money
- got my first ever bonus!
- im a lil bit hard but still soft and gentle...u get it rite? hahahha!
- brave enough to actually approach people and engage in a conversation! omg!!
- shyness level dropped by 3% = 3% level up on openness
- trying out new things such as new tudung style, clothing style (more lady-like, more heels), and etc...
- narrowed my taste for music to english but still a lil bit to korean. yeah!
- i am actually looking for somebody to be with me rather than sitting and waiting. hahaha!!
- i am doing something about my body so that i can be healthier and also get somebody for myself. yeah!
- i made goals and aims! GASP!!! HAHAHHA!
- finished an english novel (non-fiction) --> powerful book. i love it. i bought it too! starting on a new one now.
- more talkative than usual. O.O!

ok thats all that has been changing for me and around me. nothing much rite? i know....

hopefuls for the year 2011:
- get fit! and watch what i eat! dang!
- save up some more!
- travel with safety and fun!
- get a man for myself. not husband, just a bf
- make more friends!
- keep being talkative!

thats all for the moment. more to come!

but seriously, i am feeling lonely.

sometimes, the people that u think u can talk to, are the wrong people to talk to.

2010-11-11T20:50:00.002+08:00

seriously, sometimes, the people that u think u wanna talk to, are the wrong people to talk to. totally the wrong ones. and in the end, u regret doing it because u will think that that was the most wrong move to do. they just can't accept that there are other human beings on the planet and each human being is different. they also can't get the idea of "treat others the way you want to be treated". some people just don't get this phrase. and at times, its just too ridiculous.

mcm tak da hati perut ah....perit sey telinga bila dengar dorg ckp. sometimes, its just nice to have someone who listens to u and just do that. not talk back and keep thinking that u need advice or something. grrr!!! sometimes, when you have a problem or something on ur mind, u just need someone to listen rite? i needed that just now. somehow, i approached the wrong person to talk about it. haiyoooooo! wasted my time and breath. make me angrier instead. next time i am not gonna talk to that person about these kinds of things anymore. it will just fuel me up with more anger. that person only would lend me an ear when i am really down down down AND breaking down. if not, wont at all. just talk talk talk. keep talking until i got no mood to even tell the person about my day and what i have in mind.

tsk!

useless..

2010-11-06T08:49:00.002+08:00

i feel really useless and worthless....signs and symptoms of depression. hahah! am i having depression? lols!

its kindda sick sometimes when people pretend to be helpful and when u really need help they dont help you but instead just leave u to die...thats just sick. and when they already been doing the thing for such a long time, they expect the newbies to be in the same level as they are. aint that crazy? its too irritating sometimes that i cant stand it. i feel like i should just quit working with these kind of people. i think i will. once i reach the end of the year..january i will go find another job. its just ridiculous how some people expects you to be at a par as they are and when you didnt meet to that freaking expectation, you are looked down on. as if you are not worthy of doing it. as if you are not cut out to do it at all. its better of that you dont do it. its just way to sick for me to even comprehend and tolerate it. i really wonder if they really get happiness from all that and how do they even sleep after doing something like that to other people and feel good about it. seriously, omg....

and to add to that, i have to face this kind of thing at work and also at home....ridiculous!!! this makes me think of how grateful i am to have certain people in my life that i can get comfy and also get emotional with. thank you god for making these people that i can always count on. right, back to work....

i want to get it!!!!

2010-09-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

things that i wanna buy:

Polaroid camera
mp4 player that i saw the other day
new phone - samsung galaxy s
new bag - from john little!
perfume

things that i wanna get:

a boyfriend!!

hahaah!!! if anyone can get for me these....hahah!! i will be utmost grateful to u!

to make ur face slimmer

2010-09-04T11:30:00.002+08:00

Makeup Tip #1

One way to give your round face a slimming appearance is to emphasize the eyes. By adding eye shadow and mascara you can make your eyes pop. Don’t forget to keep your eyebrows cleanly shaped. The eyebrows should not be plucked into thin lines. Instead, keep some of their fullness. Shape your eyebrows into a slight arch that tapers off towards the end near the sides of the face. Fill in any empty spaces with an eyebrow pencil. Choose an eyebrow pencil that matches the color of your hair.

Makeup Tip #2

Emphasis should also be placed on your cheekbones. Most people with round faces have cheeks that look like round apples. The goal is to sculpt the cheeks to create shadows to make the cheekbones look more defined. You can define your cheekbones with a sculpting powder. Apply this powder to both your cheekbones and your jaw line. Create depth in your cheekbones by adding sculpting powder to the sides of your nose as well. This will create an illusion of shadows and depth.

Don’t go overboard using sculpting powder and blush. If you don’t apply both properly, your face will look uneven. Take some time at home to play around with applying these products until you get the look right.

Makeup Tip #3

The last tip to making a round face look longer, leaner and more sculpted is to accentuate your lips. Your lips should be filled out to look fuller. After you have painted your eyes and sculpted your cheeks you need to complete the look with a fuller mouth.

You can plump up your lips by using any of the lip plumping products on the market. Or you can do it just using some lip gloss. To make your lips look fuller just add lip gloss as a final coat over your lipstick. Add a bit of lip gloss to the middle of your bottom lip.

All of these techniques will take attention away from the widest part of your face and will make the face appear longer and slimmer.

Source: http://www.girlishh.com

Tips for Looking at Your Best - i believe in this

2010-09-04T11:30:00.001+08:00

Tips for Looking at Your Best

1. A good night’s sleep. We all know how important this is, and most of us never get enough, especially when we have babies. But all of us also know how much better we feel when we get enough. Sleep deprivation means dark circles, cloudier skin, and a lethargic attitude. Not the prettiest ever.

2. Plenty of water. If you grab a glass of water when you’re thirsty, you’ve waited too long. Drink water almost nonstop, and you should be well hydrated. Your sink will be clearer, you’ll feel fuller and be less likely to snack, and your body will function at its best.

3. Good posture. Most women slouch. If you’re sitting right now, make a point to straighten your back comfortably, rest your shoulders, and align your chin at a relaxed angle. There – isn’t that better? Good posture immediately shaves pounds of your frame, and it decreases stress to your body. Basic regular exercise help improve your posture.

4. Taking a shower and getting groomed. Sounds crazy to actually put this on a list, but if you’re a mom with young children, you understand. There are seasons when it’s a minor miracle to take a shower, brush your teeth, and change out of your pajamas before noon. But doing so really does improve your mood, your productivity, and most obviously your appearance.

5. Smiling. I can forget to smile – or even look pleasant – when I’m concentrating and hard at work. But I immediately feel better when I make a concentrated effort to smile, and others – like my husband and kids – relate to me more peacefully. You’ll look prettier, too.

6. Know your colors. This idea sounds trite and shallow until you get the basic point. Liking a color only does so much if it just doesn’t jive with your skin tone. Once you know what works for you, it makes sense to stick with wearing those colors. It doesn’t matter how well something fits, or how much you like an outfit – if it just doesn’t work for you, it’ll only work against you. I was never a big purple fan, so I was really surprised to learn that plum and eggplant shades work well for me. Now I wear that color all the time.

7. A good haircut that frames your face and works with your hair type. A good quality haircut worth the oftentimes hefty price? Some times it is, at least a few times a year. When you have an experienced hair stylist who works with your hair type and not against it, you’ll be much more at peace with what God has given you up top. You may actually love your hair.

8. Getting time outside. Sunlight emits vitamin D, an essential vitamin that improves your mood. This, combined with fresh air, a break from screen time, ambient sound, and natural color all equal an ideal environment for better health. Better health means a better outward appearance.

9. Exercising. This is an area that simply does not come naturally to me, but I have first-hand experience with how much better I feel, look, and thrive when I get exercise. An important note for busy moms – some is better than none. If you struggle with perfectionism, you tend to not do something at all if you can’t do it well. But even a walk around the block works wonders to clear your head and improve your mood. And when you’re physically working your body, it goes without saying that you feel better about your appearance.

Source: http://simplemom.net/

oh no!!!!

2010-08-29T09:28:00.002+08:00

i am losing interest!! omgosh!! how?? im losing interest in 2PM and any KPOP. how man.....I am not as hyped as i used to be when i hear something kpop. jobelle!!! help!!!! i need u to brainwash me back to my old self again!! the one that loves kpop and loves 2PM!! T.T

its almost everyday i come home, i go sleep. no playing of computer or watch tv. i just coop myself in my room! this is bad. this is very bad. i dont like it! i must be active once again! maybe after the fasting month. i want to go back to swimming and jogging and planting my butt in front of my laptop to play all kpops! and get back to myself. hahaha!!!

if u have a guy friend, what present would u buy him? and his bday is tmr.....-.- how???!!!

i cant believe im playing facebook games again. hahahah!! it always makes me sleepy but since there is nothing else rite....so, facebook! here i come! no new pics yet though.

Parents are away. they are doing Umrah. amin. now, the house got no parents. only children who are already adults. ahaha!! party anyone? LOL!!!! im kidding. that is totally unacceptable. besides its the fasting month. there is no way there will be a party at my house.

im playing a new game nowadays. something similar to CS but its online. so, can play with more more more people. hehehehhe! its called BLACKSHOT. i like it! ahaahaha!! its cool. fun to play. something really similar to CS only better cos its online, its free and u only need to download it to play. no need for any kinds of codes or what so ever. i like~!!!

2 months encounting

2010-08-25T21:47:00.002+08:00

its has been 2 months since i started working. im happy with it. i think i will be here for some time unless i am thrown away. hahaha oh well, cant be helped when that happened rite? but we can prevent it by doing our best. thanks to Emily for bringing me along for the interview. i am forever greatful for that. thank u so much. i am enjoying myself here even with the work load. there is always smiles around. i like it, i love it and i wanna stay. :)

this week is a smiley week. hee

2010-07-22T21:52:00.002+08:00

today, rite now, at this very moment, i am at my brother's house. staying over. i packed all the things that i needed to bring and use for tmr. however, when i reached the place, i realised, i didnt bring something very important. what was it? my undergarments and my toothbrush. lols!!! me and my sis-in-law was already planning on what alternatives should there be if my brother cannot drop by the house to take it for me. ahahah!!! we were like are we of the same size? can u fit into mine or not? lols. super lols lah. really silly to actually forget something like that. hahaha!!!

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it is a smiley week. why? because i get to lunch with someone. hehe. i have been looking forward to having lunch with this person. and now, i dont regret it. hahahah!! i know i will be able to have lunch with that person at one point, just dont know when. not only this person. some other people too that are associated with this person. so nice! :) always laughing when having lunch with this person. really really nice feeling. hahahah!!! too bad next week i wont be having lunch with this person and the associated people. haiz...but i dont mind!! there will be other times. :) tmr is friday, the last day to have lunch with this person until the next time we have lunch together. lols...do not worry, this is not a big of a deal. its just that i feel very happy when i am around this person and these people. its really nice. it takes the negative part about the job away. it lightens the mood and it doesnt feel that heavy when i work. cos already laugh so much and release the tension. heheheheh!

eventhough this week is a very rush and panicy week, at the same time, it is a very smiley week too. i have managed to get through it up till today! so, why not just continue rite? continue till the end of the week. saturday im working till 2pm. the person is not. that person ends at 1pm....aw...hahahha!!! oh well. :) smiles all the way then. there are other people i can disturb too so it is still good.

speaking about other people, there is this person in my workplace. the other day, the same week too! i accidentally bump into this person. this person almost went into the dustbin!!! hahahah!!!! if i were to add a bit more force, that person will have toppled the dustbin or even worst! went into it. hahahahahha!!!! so funny. i keep saying sorry to that person and have been doing my best not to bump into people so hard and watch where i am walking and rushing off to. hahahahah!!!!

ok...off now. see ya!

the past 3 days

2010-07-07T21:07:00.002+08:00

orientation. it was better than school one!! definitely better. way better. and i went it with aini. so fun!! the pre-reges were nice and we all keep laughing. its a 3 day thing and all 3 days were fun. even the first day. not bad rite? hahaha!! not bad at all. :)

i will try my best to apply what i have learned from this. haha!! good job to all those people who were involved in it and who made it happened for us. thanks for the great 3 days!!!

oh oh!!! im going to concert with jobelle to see 2AM!!!!! so nice rite? its this saturday!! ehehhe! we going to make big sign card for them to see.

anyways, taeyang should make another mv for i need a girl. i think sandara (not being biased or anything of that sort here ok...) wasnt really showing the right mood or expression for the song. rite? i mean, she's just standing there and not really showing the meaning of the song and not even reacting to what taeyang was doing to her. lols. i think if YG were to remake the mv again and make it more related to the song, it might just go BOMB! hahaha!!!

human nature?

2010-06-27T23:25:00.002+08:00

he keeps on taking panadol. i am worried for him. seriously. i know he is in pain but to keep taking panadol as if it is a supplement....kind of worrysome rite? he is already taking panadol extend, and now he is looking for anarex. he already had an overdose once on flu meds...and now he wants to be on panadol. i really wonder when he will not feel pain anymore. as in, his pains would go away. he is very intoxicated now. he has been taking so many. how man....shish! he doesn't even listen to his own wife, there will be no chance of him listening to me at all. that's for sure. haiz....

______________________________________________________________

i cannot lie down now. if i lie down, sure go to sleep. i'm charging my mp3. cannot sleep yet. don't want it to overcharge. that would be not nice.
_____________________________________________________________

i wonder what it will be like if i were to die. hahaha!! not the feeling of dieing but more of what will happen here. at home and all that. what will happen if i'm not around? will there be any drastic changes and such? i wonder.

what?!

2010-06-25T21:55:00.002+08:00

ONE SIDE OF THE STORY:
you put the thing there thinking that everyone knows what u mean.
when no one knows what you mean, you scream. you nag. you blame.
what made you think that everyone would know what you are thinking about or what you mean when you just put it there and leave?
and to add to that, you tell a newbie to do it without telling that newbie what you want and how you want it to be? a newbie won't know what you mean or what you are thinking. can don't be so ridiculous? please don't make me hate you. --.--

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STORY:
hmm maybe im not putting enough effort to do things properly and accurately. i should be more independent, rite? i should be more accurate, more independent, faster and do things properly. must be automatic.

__________________________________________________________
going out tmr with Chinggu!!!! finally get to see you. missing you! we will meet and have a drink or 2 ok? relax.

ok see yall later!

what have i done..O.O

2010-06-14T22:42:00.002+08:00

i dont know when i will start to get use to this...

i have a slight regret taking this offer...

i dont know how long i can last in there...omygosh....

is it claustrophobic? or just scared of the crowd??

its only the first day and i am feeling like this...omygosh....i wonder what will happen to me down the road in like 1 month?!

haiz....

luck.

2010-06-10T14:53:00.002+08:00

i need luck. lots and lots of it.

i think im running low of it now...need to replenish.

i am still jobless, and going to interviews (yes!) and waiting for their replies...

Ren Ci Community Hospital is confirmed not gonna take me as part of their workers....so..left the others...

hopefully i will get one of them. i really dont mind the pay being lesser than 1,500....seriously. im a freshy..so no harm in that.

i need more luck.

smiles

2010-06-09T00:13:00.001+08:00

the reason why i dont smile much or be happy too often is because it always have to end. and when it ends, it doesnt end nicely or as happy as it started. it ends up bad, sad and all hopes gone with the wind. i guess i see it as a waste of time and energy to smile a lot because i know it will be wiped away just like that. just earlier today it happened. so, i dont see the reason for me to smile so much because some people just wants to take it away from me and leave me there either hangin or just blur out thinking 'what just happened?' or 'what did i do wrong? did i said something wrong?'. it may seem like i am thinking way too much but it keeps on happening again and again. a recurrence. how can i smile when all this is happening to me? -.-

i was told that i should smile more.

i was told once that i should not laugh so much.

lols man.. seriously.

dreams...nice dreams. hahaha!!

2010-06-03T19:01:00.003+08:00

for 2 days I have been having dreams. good dreams. one is got Taeyang in it another is got Chris Rock. hahhaa!! the one with Chris Rock is at IMH. hahahhaha!!!! Taeyang is at my home. cool rite? aahah we are one family. he was like part of my family alredy. cool!!!

the one at IMH is just funny. i woke up smiling to myself. hahahah!!! nice....

other news...:
I AM STILL JOBLESS. REGRET NOT CALLING SGH BACK. sigh....why is it so difficult for me to get a job? its like the whole world do not want me to work with them or under them. its been 4 months and i am still freaking jobless. all that i applied for didnt even call me back for an interview. did i said something wrong somewhere? i have re-written my emails...what else should i do now? i can't keep waiting. haiz...

what i am going to do next is:
- call SGH
- apply to that dental clinic at 888
- apply to polyclinic
- apply back to kinokunia
- apply at a tuition centre
- apply to IMH~

if still nothing...i think i will just go die or something....haiz....at least my mom dont have to pay anything else for me except for my funeral. -.-

dang it!

2010-05-31T01:03:00.002+08:00

I cant sleep.

Tmr is the interview and now i cant sleep.

How to go for the interview?????

I think i will arrive late man...ohmygosh!!!!!!!!

Nerves? at a time like this?? are u retarded or something? haiyo!!!

oh my gosh

2010-05-28T02:11:00.002+08:00

finally...finally!!

i have the whole house to myself. ahahahah!! parents off to work, bro not back yet, another sleeping, aunt sleeping, grandma off to holiday or vacation, sister at chalet..wah...hahaha!! and here i am at home, slacking and watching my favourite channels with no distractions or disturbance. haahah!! no one to not allow me to watch my channels and enjoy them. muahahaha! I am satisfied. hahahaha!!!

Now watching Yu Huiyeol's Sketchbook. I like this show. its nice to watch. hahah!! he's like Ellen Degenerous only he doesn't give out gifts and such. he just do a talk show that has artists in them. talk to them, talk about them and have fun (laughter) with them. its nice. :)

Just now watched Music Bank! hahaha!! it was the beginning of the month's airing. hahaha!! first week of May. There were some delays at the beginning of the month and this is with subs. So, it takes longer time to watch and enjoy it fully.

I think today is my favourite day. hehehehe! on the 27th may 2010, is my favourite day. but wednesday is my favourite day among monday to sunday of cos. hahahah!!

I need to get a job. seriously....if not i wont be able to get what i have always wanted and all those recently wanted items. T.T please call me if there is vacancies...please....cheabal!!! *get down on knees and cry into the air* hahaha!!!

i like this

2010-05-26T22:12:00.004+08:00

I like this song. hahahah!! song from Bruno Mars - Count on Me

Uh-hoh
If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh Yeaaah Yeaaaah

If you're tossin and you're turnin and you just can't fall asleep,
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me,
Everyday I will remind you, oh

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh Oooh Yeaaaah Yeaahh

You'll always have my shoulder when you cryyyy~~~
I'll never let go, never say goodbyeeee~~

Oh~ You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah

Wooooh, Wooooh
You can count on me Cos I can count on you~

other news...
I WANT TO WORK!! PLEASE TAKE ME!!!

about that green top

2010-05-20T11:18:00.002+08:00

it seems that i have one buyer of the green top! yeay!!

it is still in the market. hahaha!! lols.

if anyone wants a similar one, do let me know ok? i can order for ya. hahah!! :D

The morning of my Bday

2010-05-18T08:37:00.014+08:00

Thank you for the presents in the present. hahaha!!! I love it!! Thank u dear chinggu~...

I am a happy Aminah. hahahahaha!!! i love the writings on the box. hahah!! inscriptions.

feeling the note here...

this is used as a container. warning. does not contain wafer sticks.
contains this~~~!!

i wanted to eat this for so long already...hahaha!! thnks!

i cant believe i tot this was coffeee. ahahaha!! manggooooooooooooooo!!

this wafers tastes great. like it.

wonder what this will taste like. :D
This is the 2nd biggest present in there. the first is the box. hahaha!!!

loving this!

last ...
few...
shots...
and...
we are...
done!

Thank you dear dear dear Jobelle. Thank you for making this for me and taking a whole one month to get it ready. i will treasure it. :) Thanks for making me remember this. hahaha!! THANK YOU!! 감사합니다!!!! ありがとうございます!!!

Thanks dear...

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY!!!

2010-05-18T02:26:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAEYANG!!!!!!! SARANGHAE!!!

lets blow the candle together!!

looking good there!

i want to do this to him too. hahaha!! i want to give u a kiss. hahahah!!!! muackx!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR YONGBAE!

Disappointment and i told you so roam the air

2010-05-17T13:08:00.004+08:00

my dress came today. something that i have been waiting for so long to come. it stated in the website that its freesize...haha! so, i tot that i would be able to fit in it. i tot wrong.

and now i regret buying it. anyone wants it, do tell me ok? ahahah!! and please dont buy it out of pity. hahahah!!!

i managed to get into it. it just looks ugly on me. hahah!!

lesson learnt: never buy it just because it looks nice on the net and on the photo. it might just not fit u. hahaha!! make sure it really fits u. hahah!!

so, any buyers?

its a turquoise colour. $20.

if any buyers, do leave a note at my tagboard or email me at eminarashid@msn.com

thanks!

it was in the newspaper today!

2010-05-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

Coping with Anger

1. Awareness: Be aware of your emotions starting to boil over. Acknowledge that you have the power to turn down the heat, just as you can for a simmering pan.

2. Breathe: Focus attention on your breathing. Breathe in slowly, feel the air going down to the lungs, purse your lips and blow it out through the mouth.

3. Count: Count each breathe. Maintain deliberate breathing for 5 cycles. Breathing is calming and gives you sufficient time to turn down the heat.

4. Detach: Focusing on your breathing is like taking a physical step back. Take a mental step back too. Look at the situation through the eyes of the person who is making you angry. Think about the outcome you want instead of giving in to your anger.

5. Engage: As you begin to feel calmer, more relaxed and detached, you kn ow you have used the "time-out" strategy effectively to position yourself to re-engage the other party positively.

And that is what was in today's newspaper....hahaha!! Classified adds.

lols to today!

2010-04-29T22:36:00.002+08:00

plan: go swimming and then shopping till late.

what was executed: shop, swim and shop again. hahaha!!!

when we came over there, it only opens at 2.30pm. decided to go to another place, closed also till 3.45pm. so, off to another location. but in that journey, dark clouds had rolled over us and it poured like water fall except it has thunder and lightning. hahah! and strong winds. very cooling. hahha!! so, went to lot 1 instead because that is the shopping venue. in the end, didnt get anything for mother day. cannot find any. -.-

when rain stopped, went to swim. FINALLY!!! get to swim. but when we are there, we only swam at the medium pool. when we got to the biggest pool, 1.there were quite a crowd. 2.we end up talking about 2pm and imagining things and laughing laughing and soak soak. hahha!! when it was almost 7, we started to swim a little bit. but went back to the medium pool. i was scared to swim at the biggest pool. T.T sorry girl. we were at the middle of the biggest pool. so, a bit heart stopping. hahaha!!! after that, we went back. it was almost 8pm. gosh! we showered too long. hahaha!!!

it was going okay before i got a call from my aunt. bluek! i hated that phone call. this particular one. it ended with me shouting at her on the phone. i know its wrong but i cant take it anymore. now i dunno want to apologise or not. because i know she wont wanna listen to what i have to say. she never does. >.
told sister-in-law about it. now she havnt reply. ....still waiting....

LOLS to the weather!

2010-04-29T00:49:00.002+08:00

I think today was a waste. Too bad it rained on us...

Today went to swimming complex to swim with Jobelle. It end up we just sat at a corner of the swimming complex and talking and dreading while we wait for the rain to stop. It was good because we just sat and talk. It has been a while since we did that. hahaha!! But it was dreadful because we have to wait for the rain to stop to swim and by the time it did completely stop, it was already close to 5pm. Since the day was on a tight schedule, we made our move and by the time we finish showering, it was okay to swim again...-.-. haha!! Other than this, the lightnings were really clear. So cool! hahah!! It was cold but was bearable and it was cozy. Sitting in a corner and wait it out.

BUT BUT BUT! we pain one dollar just to swim one lap for Jobelle and 0.5 a lap for me. HAHAAAHAH!!!

so, we decided to go again tomorrow. ASA ASA HWAITING!! must try to swim more than 1/2 a lap. hahahha!!!

LOLS to the weather. :)

that wedding day....

2010-04-26T21:08:00.002+08:00

at a wedding, u should be happy for the person that is getting married rite?

why cant she be that way too?

why must she do that to her till like that?

she is so envious that she is willing to hurt her own kid. what mother does that?

she is heartless after all. haiz....

out out out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-16T18:53:00.002+08:00

I want to go out!!!

I really want to go out!!!

the rain is great and all, i dont mind if i get caught in the rain! I just wanna go out!!! it stinks just sitting at home and rotting. when will I get a job that I applied for??

I think if till next week, i still have not gotten any job yet, i will go apply at some supermarket or something and be a cashier until i get a better job. If all the jobs that I apply for will not give me a respond, i think i might as well start working in the FnB route, eventhough i hate it to the core.

is this some kind of a punishment for something that i did? if it is, it sure is working.

rain!

2010-04-15T17:06:00.001+08:00

wow! its raining really heavily. with thunder, lightning and strong winds! all of them! really wow!!!

the thunder has been growling since just now and the lightning has been flashing for some time now. wow!! i love it!!

thanks to GOD for this!! its a blessing!

happy rainy day everybody!

lala land

2010-04-14T23:13:00.001+08:00

I want my lala land to come true. hahahah!! i think if i made it into a book, it would be nice~~!! hahahah!!!

yeay!

2010-04-08T02:30:00.002+08:00

I just made new wallpapers for my laptop!!!! and i like it. :)

isnt it nice? hehehehe!

I like this better. >

Now then i know about this photoshoot. haiz....lucky i found out. if not, i will be left in the dark about these really really really nice photos. :)

DBSK. my brother like them too!!

2010-04-08T01:03:00.003+08:00

its in ONE PIECE! so cool!

u can see their name!!! and the title!!! YEAY!!!! =D

angry + angry + angry = frustration!!!

2010-04-01T14:01:00.002+08:00

somehow talking to my mum just increases my blood pressure and makes me feel so frustrated. the frustration grows up so fast and so much that I feel really wrong for doing that. gggrrrrr!!!! i don't know why but nowadays, i can't seem to even look at her. especially today. i don't know why!!! i should not have this kind of thing and feelings happening to me. I should not be doing it!!!!!!!

if only i could do this. haiz.........

sorry guys

2010-03-31T18:05:00.003+08:00

i went to do some exercising with my brothers. we were just going up the stairs to the 12th floor and back down twice, and i puked. a lot. so disappointing. i really puked. vomited. I started puking when we finished the 2nd round of stairs, at the 12th floor. then went back home, i vomit sumore. I vomited till i was so weak, i can't even walk right. i am so disappointed in myself. the unfitness level, is so bad. i feel like I have let them down. i m so sorry guys.

i should go on a diet to make my body feel less heavy and from there i slowly start to work out again. i think that would help me with not vomiting after just a little exercising.

Holidays...it can be very cool!

2010-03-25T01:07:00.002+08:00

it has been a week, i think, that i have been watching anime. hehehe x) and i have been enjoying myself. hehe! im sorry, even though i am suppose to go look for a job. haiz...well, all good things will have to come to an end eventually. haiz....hahahaha!!! but in the mean time, i will enjoy this. nyaHEHEHEHE!!!!

so far, i have watched Blood+, Hellsing, Full Metal Panic Fumoffu, Ranma 1/2 and Ladies VS Butlers. yeay! ahahahahah!!!

WELL, ALL GOOD THINGS WILL COME TO AN END FOR ME! hahahaha!!!

-.-

2010-03-24T14:49:00.002+08:00

she is really like an old lady.

mom is getting grumpier and grumpier as time goes by. suddenly said that she wants to walk. walk to sheng siong. hmmm and buy lots and lots of groceries. i wonder if we can make it.

i think the longer i stay home, the lazier i get and the more negative i become. this is bad. hahaha!

old is an excuse or a reasonable reason?

2010-03-17T22:05:00.002+08:00

i have a grandfather who is in his late 80s. he is wheelchair-bound because he said his legs are in pain when he walks. he got this very unpleasant attitude that almost the whole family cannot stand it. he also cannot really hear properly and we tend to have to raise our voices not that little for him to hear us properly and basically to get the whole message. he also got this problem with when people don't listen to him. like, when he tells you, not asks u to, read something, like a letter or something, he would basically lose it and scold people and also inserts an insult to that. and when someone calls him to ask him if he wants to join in the feast or eat what we are eating or just wanna ask him a general question, most of the time, he would give a shout out. not a shout out like a dedication but a shout out like "what?! APA?!" i guess its normal huh...hahhaa!! but after some time, it kindda gets to you, you know? oh well, maybe old is a reasonable reason and an excuse when you don't wanna listen to what other people say, right?

in other stories....
insults. its very painful.
if u love someone, would you do that or say that you are being honest to that person?
others may see it as insult but to that person who said it, it maybe that they are just being honest, even when their honesty hurts and it makes you cry.
my sister has this friend, who she loves dearly. the thing is, this person says that my sister looks like a pig. O.O!! seriously said that she looks like a pig. said about her nose, her legs, her eating ways and even her body. from top to bottom, that person said that my sister looks like a pig. when a family member is being told that, it somewhat shows what the friend thinks of the rest of the family right? but may not mean that entirely. but even so, the point where someone said that another someone looks like a pig or any kind of animal, is harsh and rude. if you say that that particular person is your best friend, would you relate that person to an animal, no matter how similar they look to that animal? that's just straight out mean. if you do that as a joke is fine, is a laughable thing. but if you really meant it, that's just rude. but the worse thing is that, she is still friends with her....-.-'''

other than that, today is another boring day....

i want to get these! so pretty. :D

2010-03-16T15:57:00.003+08:00

i wonder if i would be able to get them. hhahaha!! maybe once i start working and have my own money. have enough to pay for these and more should be best time. :) my wishlist is long. it has been accumulating for so long, i wonder when it will start to shrink. hehee!!!

been thinking alot lately..

2010-03-16T15:15:00.002+08:00

i owe people money! hahaha!!

who do i owe?
- gwen = $5
- jobelle = $18
- russelle = $20

i think thats all....hahaha!!! okok...must make a point to go pay them back. must! must!

i need russelle's account number or something. hahahhaa!!!

it's been a few days the weather has been really nice. raining and raining. so cooling. :)

Kong is going to malaysia soon. fishing. come back with alot of fish hor!! u sit in the boat for 3 days, make sure got fish. mermaid or merman would be nice too. :) hahahah!!! dun bore urself to dead ok? have fun!!

i am super slacking at home now. i need to go out more often but dunno where to go. lina asked me to plan up an outing. who am i to plan outing for them? hahaha i feel so embarrassed. i dont even work there. haiz.....

good luck to mariem. i hope she is feeling ok. lina too. and sj. heart keep strong ok? hahaha!! lina, if u are reading this, you know what i mean. hahaha!! XD

i should go find a job huh....at this moment, i think any kind of job would be good. hahaha!! some part time job somewhere. yeah...i think i should. at least while waiting, i still got some money of my own to spend and also i keep myself busy rather than staying and slacking at home all the time. to be exact, it has already been one month i slacked at home. hahahahah!!! i have to get my butt moving again. hehehe!

yup. i should. :)

sleep sleep sleep...

2010-03-12T01:05:00.002+08:00

i really got nothing to do these days...

finishing all that i am to watch and more.

K-ON was good. hahah!! funny! its an anime. hahaha
Blood+ too!
Hi my Sweetheart also. finishing it soon! 2 more episodes.
i finally finished boys over flowers. hahaha!! that took a lot of time. its not because of the number of episodes, its just i suddenly fell out of interest for it. nyahahah!!!

I think one fine day i need to go visit acer again. hahaha!! i might have to. bluek!

today is so boring...

2010-03-10T00:10:00.004+08:00

i slept so much today that i think, i dont have to sleep anymore until tmr night. seriously....

my sister is trying to use the nose plaster for blackheads. hahaha!!! she almost put it on upside down. and she is annoying because she asked me to cook for her and then she went to sleep??? haiz...

oh and today was the most boring day ever by far.........

tmr is body shop shopping day!! :D

なぜ?, why?, 왜?

2010-03-08T18:58:00.002+08:00

why is it that when u know that that person makes a mistake, u must rub it into that person's face? why must u do that? is it a compulsory thing to do?

its a mistake, yes, but must u make the person feel so bad when they are already super down?

i cant believe a mother would do that you know...

i told you so

2010-03-08T02:03:00.002+08:00

i am always messing things up.
i just got scolded by mom for doing something that i thought would be correct.
i keep messing things up.
no matter what the situation.

what am i going to do now?

im feel so dreadful and i want to cry to badly.
why do i keep doing things wrongly?

and now i dont think the thing that i did can be corrected in anyway.
what am i going to do now?

i feel so useless now. very very useless.
i seriously think that my earlier plans should have been put on GO.
then maybe this will not happen.

i like it

2010-03-07T00:32:00.001+08:00

alice in wonderland is cool.

johnny depp is cool.
the red queen is always saying off with their heads!
anne hatheway looks looney. especially the way she walked. hahahhaha!!!!

overall its really cool. alice in wonderland is about the world out of our world, so, its very alot of wonders and loads of impossible things. more of fragments of imaginations that kids or sometimes the adults would have too. its cool. and i like it. hhahaha.

i would give it 4/5 popcorns. :D

and all that for free and i get to meet Utt! hahaha! not exactly meet, but he was there to host the program. its actually a competition and i won and sumore people won too, so he was there to welcome us to the show. hahaha! not bad huh...hahahahah!! cool. all that for free~~~~~! hahhaahha

dang it.

2010-03-03T21:48:00.001+08:00

the internet in this house is giving some attitude now. very irritating and i can't even check my mail.

ish!

after the massive offs and ons, still cannot connect. what?!

and! i can't even watch my anime shows too. :(

i like this!

2010-02-24T23:22:00.003+08:00

one of the coolest yet. hahahah!!!

super cool and super funny. they are SUPERJUNIOR!! hahaha!!!

cool.

credits to KpopFun. thanks for uploading!

rejuvenate

2010-02-20T10:57:00.002+08:00

i need to rejuvenate myself. have to get active!

if not, i will keep getting crap from people i don't like or don't associate with. i don't want your crap.

crap or crab. i don't want it.

がらくたやカニなど!
garakutaya kani nado!
crabs and other junk (crap)
私はしたくない！
watashi hashitakunai!!
i don't want!!

XP!

ytd got scolding for eating. she said i eat too much. not suppose to eat too much. u cannot be too full, u cannot be too hungry. u must keep it a balance....yadayadayada.....

i ask u, if u keep it a balance, then no need to eat already rite? because u are not hungry mah and den since u are not hungry, u wont get full too because u are not eating anything.

can u believe that i get scolding just for eating? eating!! eating leh!! its not as if im eating what she kept aside for her or something of that sort you know. im eating ytd's meal. that also i get scolding?

already i get scolding for the way i look at people, now i get scolding for eating?! i dont see the sense in that.

i want to go away

2010-02-18T23:47:00.002+08:00

i want to go away....i seriously want to go away...just away from here....away from home. as long as he is not in my presents....let me go away instead of him.

complain? no?

2010-02-18T22:54:00.002+08:00

should i complain about this to people? or just keep it to myself and let is rot? if i let it rot, its either i will forget about it or it will just stay there and together with other small things that will make me angry or pissed and it accumulates and BOMB! haiz........

dots man..

i dont know what to do now....seriously.

complain? no? whine? tell someone about it?

AARRGHH!!!!

bluek

2010-02-17T19:19:00.003+08:00

i think i am going to stay away from him until i feel comfortable again which i do not know when. i will not interact with him and do my best to keep my face away from him. today, i cant even go to his room. i cant even stand just knowing that he is in the house. i just wanna get away from him. now, when im going out or even go to my attachment i dont want to ask him for money.

got one time, i wanted to go there early because i thought i wanna put my bag in the locker and not rush to the main destination that i wanna go. so, i thought of going very early. he caught me and ask me to go pray. yes, i didnt put that into consideration. its fine. so, i went to pray. even after i pray, he keep saying to me to take the money to take cab there. -.-

do u know how much it cost to go there? by cab? in the morning? with extra charges? in my mind was like " are you nuts? " i keep saying no. no, no, no, no need. then he asked me " why? why dont u want this money? " i just said that there is still time. and that i wanted to go there earlier. thats all. he got nothing to say, and i went off. from that moment on, i know i will be facing something similar to that. its a good move that i did not take that money, seriously. i dont want that money at all.

and now, i dont want to be near him at all. i know im not the best child a parent would have but thats how i am and thats the best that i can do.

something happened. and it ended up with the following:

he shouted at me, asking me, " why am you looking at me like that? why are u giving me that look?! who are u to give me that look?! " this look that he is referring to, is the look that i have since i was born. its already my born-to-have kind of look. what can i do about it? i told him " this is how i look, this is my face. this is how i look at people". and he said " you cannot look at me like that! dont u dare look at me like that!! " he almost threw his medicine box (mind you that this box is not a small medicine box) at me but instead he bang it onto the table.

i think he said that and he even cursed me before he bang that thing on the table and went out of the door. nice finish rite?

the surprising thing is, i kept my cool all the way. up till now, at this very hour. i didnt talk to him, i didnt even look at him. he did the same to me too.

and thats what happened yesterday.....ok see ya!

dam dam haejigo : 담담해지고 : become placid

2010-02-15T23:18:00.002+08:00

its been a while since the last post.

holidaying now.

even though it is only a few days from the last day of attachment, 4 days to be exact, i feel so bored and very nothing to do. planned a lot of things but its not happening yet. I'm just waiting, and still waiting for something but I'm not quite sure what...

i think i don't need lina's MP3 after all cos, brother not using his anymore. when i start work, i will buy it from him. at least give him a 60$ of something. it is his anyways.

my mind is slowing becoming blank and going back to stupid level once again, like any kind of holiday would make me do. I need to keep my mind working. it has to be kept working if not i will eventually and positively become stupid. noted.

Esah just asked me to get to work faster. so that i could help mom out with the house bills and at least lessen the burden that mom feels about the house and the house bills. i don't mind. i would love to help her out. :) not to worry there.

i think i am definitely a workaholic because i can't stay home and not make my brain work. i and it will just switch off and die. especially my body. going to get fatter if i don't put it to work as soon as possible. XD!!

even though it looks like i'm becoming placid as time goes by, it is not good to be very placid. hahaha! it will turn into boredom and i will just die. hahaha!! don't you agree?

i still owe people money....omg. i totally forgot about it. haiz....mariem and gwen. hahaha!! each 5$. lols. oops. okok. tmr the first thing is to do that and then, to the gym i go.

i think i want to be as fit as Shah. hehe i wonder if i can. O.O! i think i am going to need a lot of time to just get to 80kg. hahahah!!!! imagine as fit as him. close to impossible or very long time. hahahah!!!!

i got this very weird feeling. and this feeling made me become numb. the things that i used to be interested in, are not as interesting as they were. i just lost interest in them. what's happening to me? is it the 20 year old welcome thing? haha!! kidding. but seriously, those things that i go somewhat gaga over are not making me go gaga over them anymore. is it because i grew out of them? or someone took me away from them? i really wonder. you may think that im talking crap but, well, 1 thing, this is my blog. 2, this is really what im feeling. hmmm i really wonder.

hope its not going to affect me in anyway it possibly can. O.o?

i don't think that i need such a long break from stress or from work. maybe end of next week i will go back. or like what i stated on my application form, "first week of march". i think that's a good week. but i might be wrong, in many ways. that, i'm scared of. hais....

ok...i think thats all...

haha..

end.

missing you already....

2010-02-05T16:17:00.002+08:00

i think i'm going to miss so many people when i leave this place and in the end, get a major emotional turmoil. i'm missing them already......T.T

im going to miss so many people at the same time....='(

haiz....

half the time for the project time i am sleeping. how man......dunno can finish or not....

its going to be over soon says he...

2010-01-31T23:16:00.002+08:00

2 MORE WEEKS!!!

2 more weeks of fun and laughter and also torture? maybe. hahaha!!!

i have decided.

i have decided on my path to where i wanna go.

i have decided...and it was the first answer that i gave....hahaha!!!

i hope im doing the right thing and making the right choices with my decision(s).

JUMP!!!

2010-01-24T13:20:00.002+08:00

JUMP! TVXQ!! from TCB master on Vimeo.

something that i miss so much :)

brothers...what can i say about them..

2010-01-09T23:39:00.003+08:00

i guess he really likes to go there...

does he even know that this house is really empty..?

its not that i dont allow him to go there...its just that if u know that ur own house is empty, and u have elderlies in the house...do u still sleep over at other people's house?

besides, u feel more comfortable at home rite?

well, happy birthday to u and hope that you are happy. :)...

knowing...

2010-01-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

is knowing about everything, good?

im just curious.

but not knowing about something may bring trouble...

but what if the person doesnt even wanna tell?

what can we do about it? force?

i just hope he is in a good mood to talk to tmr....haiz...

i want to quit

2010-01-04T23:50:00.002+08:00

i want to quit.

i cant take it anymore.

i want to cry right now because i am tired. tired of doing things just to get another diploma which is only useful when i am looking for job. i am tired, stressed and stretched to my limit already. i want to stop this. i dont want to continue anymore.

i feel like hiding in a hole and just cry and cry and cry. i dont want this anymore.

i want it to stop.

now that im in, i cant get out. i want to get out.

I hate adpp now.

worried dad

2009-12-25T22:56:00.003+08:00

he is very worried. worried that we will be influenced by her. he is a very worried dad. sorry that i didnt call u back yesterday. i totally forgotten to call u back. like i said, i called earlier that i will be late. but i didnt think that they will not tell u that we went for the movie. sorry about that. will call u in the future if something like that were to happen again.

she IS a bad influence. she may be one of the adults at home but she is not as mature as an adult should be. he is right about her and i agree. i shall not feed oil to the fire and make her more anggek or proud of what SHE thinks is right. she never listens but she expects and wants others to listen to her. kind of wrong, right? dad saw that and he knows that something is not right. thanks dad for letting me know about this.

she IS a bad influence.

dear ALLAH, please relief dad's worries. amin.

infected?

2009-12-17T22:25:00.004+08:00

I am coughing like nobody's business.

i cough till i cry and while im crying, i am still coughing. haiz....

Corby Christmas Party has just passed and I did not go~~! ahaha!! yey. its good that i did not go cos, actually, i dont wanna go and i cant go cos i am coughing badly. even after resting for 2 days and more, i am still coughing. and the thing is, all the cough that I am doing, is dry cough. haiz....lucky my throat is not in pain. its the chest that is painful. Eugene said that it may lead to bronchitis or something like that. beware. he said he got that before. im taking his advice but i dunno how to stop my cough.

FYP FINISH!!! yey.

i think im spreading the cough. not the disease, the cough. hahahha!!! is it some kind of a contagious thing? like yawning. if u see someone yawning, u will tend to yawn right after. is it the same as that? hahaha!! cos when i cough, my aunty feel like her throat is itchying. hahahah!!!!

my aunty likes to look at people from some corner. very erry kind of habit. weird. and sumore, outside my door, its dark. she's wearing dark colours and looking down at me from there. with her hair covering her face. is that not scary? imagine that. not scary????? ish!! *bash her head with pillow*

동방신기 cd coming this january!!!! i want!!! hehehe!!! save money! save money! save money!

6th week in AH

2009-12-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

its already the 6th week in AH....and I finally have fallen sick. hahaha!! and the best thing is, its right before the FYP presentation. it was ok. i managed to say what i needed to say even when I did not catch totally what was asked. oh i am having Fever. alot of people are having fever nowadays, fever fever (qoute from Hilmi).

at AH, it is still good. RP students are the decoration team for the Christmas party. Guess what's the theme? Btw, RP students have to come up with it. And since none of the others are thinking of anything that is suitable at that time, I came up with it. --> Corby Christmas~~!!

its simple, bright and can be done by all. :)

thanks to 2PM for endorsing corby. hahaha!!!

other than all this, after 6 weeks in AH, i guess u will start to think, why am I here. why am I here, not paid and still coming back?......i myself cant answer this...haiz...if only kenny would have joined in. Maybe it would be nicer...hahaha!!

i guess its ok to once a while regret what u did but still continue to do it, right? hahahah!!! ...

I miss dong bang!! they keep having to cancel shows and events. SM is so mean. go die lah and let someone better run the show. shish!

time to tough up

2009-11-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

i cried today. cried because i feel like a failure.

i feel as though I have been stupefied.

it is such as simple question, simple scenario and I cannot answer it properly at all. i feel stupid. really stupid. all those learning has gone to waste.

the more I am there, there more I feel that I have become stupid and I cannot answer anything that was asked. Even simple questions about painkillers.

I just cant answer.

I feel really stupid. and I am worried.

I am stupid and worried. what now?

time to toughen up?

wow

2009-11-21T21:26:00.002+08:00

its has been a long while since the last time i blogged. Im not sure for how long already but it feels long. hahaha!!

it has been 3 weeks now working or having attachment at Alexandra Hospital. it has been long and tiring 3 weeks. gonna get out of OP soon. yes, very soon. 4 more days and finally i am out of there. Goodbye Ganes, Patricia, Regina, GRACE, Hui Ling, Yana, Siti, Shahril, XY, Lucita/Maria, Aunty Mary, Wei Shan, Mustakim, Is, the pregnant Philipino lady with the glasses who is very nice, Lay Kim, perfume smell and more. hahaha!! I stress on GRACE because i dont prefer her. very unapproachable. XP. I am slowly getting tired of that place now. I even got strange stuffs touching me. TOUCHING me leh....O.O

it has happened to me twice. haha!! at first it was my whole back, the second one is only middle part of my back. wow. when i told my family, they said that place is already like that. its an old place....what do u expect. and that place is very, very loaded with this kind of things. =| uh oh. hahaha!!! hwaiting!

MAMA has started and it is good. powerful performance and great crowd. i wanna watch it but i can only watch it fully tmr morning when all editing is done and that all videos are uploaded. hehehe. youtube here i come!

the FYP will not be having any proper results this time. T.T

what i mean is, there is not enough evidence to have any results, good ones. We dont have any good results to show. T.T sadded.

its like we have done it for freaking nothing. *punch machine* haiz....wasted time man...shouldnt have picked that one out as one of the choices. haiz.....now i regret.

i keep regreting alot leh...next time must think twice to 3 times before making any choices. even when getting married. X(

ok...back to that darn report...

cleanroom~~~

2009-10-27T13:46:00.002+08:00

cleanroom preparation today. it is cool. the air is fresher than anywhere else. i think that's the cleanest room in the whole school. hahaha!!! thats why its called a cleanroom. its clean.

i should start studying while waiting for my team's turn to go into that cleanroom....

missing jay now...

today scanning...haiz...the guys were late again. shaheed was suppose to come at 745 to meet me and then go to the lab to scan. but, he came late. so, to not waste any time and all that...i did the scan. he continued half of it cos, he came while i was doing it half-way...

Izzat was late. very late. he said he got family problem. thats why he was late. he even said, "you don't know what going on with my family rite? i dont want to explain also." it's as if he is saying "u dont know what's going on, so, you dont anyhow scold people." Chinggu said he is using his family as an excuse and reason for being late. I dunno....i guess you can be late sometimes, but cannot everytime late. its kindda not fair for other people to keep waiting for you to come. Other people also got their things to do. it is true that we all dunno what is going on with his family, but this is school matter, not family matter. you should be able to differentiate it and face it differently. If ur family matters are overlapping int oschool stuffs, you should know ur priorities. but, different people have different priorities, so, can't say much about that.

i think he is a little bit messed up and kindda not sure of what he should do now and what he should do later. i know that he is angry that we are angry at him and that...he thinks that he doesnt really deserve to be angry at or scolded but....he has been doing it again and again. and when we are not around, which is like a few more days only, then, its up to the guys already to finish everything up. And if they keep going there late, i scared they cannot get what we want because they were too late. I have experienced being late and its consequences and it suck. i dont want them to face the same thing too. its kindda painful.

I told chinggu about him giving attitude everytime someone were to scold him. she said,"then how? you still want me to scold him?" I dont know what to say. When he came over, thats what we got, attitude. I guess he still have not realise what he did wrong? molla.....

i just wanna know
if you feel the same...where you at where you at..

taeyang~~~i am here....parli nahwa...파리 나와

치금 alone...

nice blue and pink

2009-10-25T00:28:00.002+08:00

yeay....my laptop finally has colour. its pink and blue. Both babies too! hahaha!! what does it contain? korean characters, roman characters and cute pictures! hahaha!! yeay~~ this is from the trip that me and jobelle go to which was just to junction 8. hahah!! the shop is comics connection. not only that! I bought Big Bang file!! so sexy.... thank u jobelle!! if u didnt find it, i won't have bought it. thank u!!!! hehe!! so so so sexy...pictures of it will be up soon! muakx to you and my file. hehehe!!!

Weekends....FINALLY~~~

2009-10-24T00:04:00.001+08:00

finally it is friday and it is the weekend~~

things left to be done ASAP!:
- meeting minutes
- scanning sessions
- report
- lose weight!

haha!!! omgosh.....i really wonder how i am going to face the world after this. after poly.

Mom said, after discussing, to work first. work for about 1 year. then after that, start schooling again but part time. MDIS or somewhere...OHTOKAE...

and now, because of my sister, I am feeling very sleepy. She anyhow wake people up at 3:30AM just to ask for my password to my laptop. den still say my laptop too troublesome. In the first place why u want to use it if its so troublesome. its bad enough that u woke me up at 3:30 am when I just fell asleep, its even worst that u criticize people's stuffs. idiot. next time don't use. i wont let u use. go find other ways to go to ur facebook. X( then, after that still want to piss other people also. she pissed my brother off so much that he wanted to go jogging at 11PM just to cool off. how evil is that? people with no heart don't deserve to be treated nicely. *bash her head with a guitar repeatedly* not even greatful that people let u use their stuffs. sumore, people help u already, u still want to nag nag nag like some grandma. idiot leh you!!! ggrrr!!! my weekend is fired up because of u leh!!! i bbq u alive den u know. grrrr!!

she and that man is so same lor. eerkk...aish. so same and they don't even know it. irritating people.

in other news, i got new earrings. heheh. from youja chinggu. purple flower with green leaves. hehe yepoh. kamsa! we should go coffee bean to eat their brownies. its really nice. hehe

AAARRRGGGHHHH!!

2009-10-20T12:23:00.002+08:00

Some people just can't resist hitting the table as hard as they can, like to show frustration. Every time pom here, pom there. Can do things without any pom pom? Very loud some more. Can or not? Favour? Ok? If frustrated about the problem statement or something....relax and go find out. don't pom here pom there. irritating leh!

I am feeling really lousy right now. I feel very frustrated. I can't even talk to anyone normally. Even to those normal people that I talk to. I feel really, really angry for some reason that I am not quite sure of. I can't even talk to Jobelle like normal. The pom pom thing is a small thing. It can't be because of that, I am very angry? Usually this kind of thing will pass by...but something is lingering around me that makes me really, really angry.

-.- idiot lah this thing.

dam dam dam...

2009-10-14T16:44:00.002+08:00

missing you loads...i want to see more of you.....

seriously...haiz......

i think if i have ur photo, i will keep looking at it and only at it. look at only you....hahaha!!!

ohtokae? is this love? lols....NO! HAHAHAHA

missing you....

????

2009-10-10T00:23:00.002+08:00

is it the end? or just a normal weekend?

haiz...UT3 ended today and so is my modules that I have to take for a diploma. all modules except G302, is done....but is it really over?

is all the stress over? is it over yet? haiz...

I am feeling really tired.

up coming schedule...
- pharmaceutical compounding module --> lab thing
- attachment to Alexandra Hospital till February
- university?

T.T i am scared. I AM SCARED!!!!!!!!! FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I AM SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have never been so scared before....I am really, really, really scared.

wahhhhhh ohtokae.....

just wondering and worrying at the same time...

2009-10-09T01:05:00.002+08:00

seriously, i am wondering and worrying all at the same time.

Wondering: about what kind of questions will be in the UT tmr
Worrying: will I be able to answer it correctly or not tmr

haiz.....why must be so hard????

anyway, saw a hot guy in the lift. we took the same lift. In the lift: Me, Jobelle, that Guy....

hahaha!! he was tall, built, chinese, Tanned! hahaha!! not bad looking tooo. he got a diced like necklace. haha!!! those long long kind. Not like ladies necklace though. he is the first guy i see, in singapore to wear accessories like necklace like that! to school or to anywhere. I only see it on TV but never real life. Nice necklace though. hahah!!

jobelle didnt even wanna look at him. shy? maybe but ...yeah...

he was ok. he was looking at the floor the whole time...oh well..haha!! too bad for me i guess.

just finished looking through the 6Ps and making notes. Extra notes. This time is from problem 1 to 13. 14 and 15 not yet. dont think will be doing it though. hahahaha!!

I really hope i can make it out tmr alive. worrying and wondering...

now its 1:11am. ahhahahaha!! triple 1. cool. luckily there's no triple 9 or even worst, triple 6. hahah!!!!

oh and adeline, I cannot sing lah...i think u heard someone else sang. hahah!!! my voice sucks when i try to sing. ahahaah!!! but thanks for the compliment. didn't realise my voice came out. it creeped out of my throat. hahaha!!

ok....outs time! *switch off lights*

A.L.W.A.Y.S always and forever..

2009-10-07T15:42:00.002+08:00

haiz...i am not paying attention in class. seriously, i think i need a time out or something. someone's birthday is coming...hope that person likes what i got.

big brother coming home soon. miss him loads. i know i said this already but i am going to say it again, oppa pogoshippo.

i am so envious of that girl who received that bouquet of flowers, roses actually, from Taeyang. It was during his concert~~ i want! hahah!!

I think i have to starve myself during school days to get the amount of money i need to buy those yummy DVDs...*droools*

I told my lil bro about it, he said, "Is that a need or a want? if it is a want, i cannot lend u my money." he sounds sooo mature. haha!! we are like 2 years apart and he is so much mature than i am. haha!! this actually contradicts to what sis-in-law said about guys, "they are more childish than us girls. their minds are like 2 years younger than their original age." She said that about my brother who is her husband. I think my eldest brother is getting verbally abuse by her. its like, he cannot do things without consultation with her first. I am really worried for him. I really feel that he is verbally abused by her. There was once, that he was handling their kid. All of a sudden the kid just cried. my brother did not do anything that made the kid cry. And she just sort of scolded him. i know its hard to raise a kid but at least be nicer to each other lah...dont have to raise the voice. haiz...

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in other news...
I am in LOOVE with Taeyang. Dong Young Bae!! XD

I can't get enough of him. haha!! almost everyday now that I keep watching his concert from youtube. Thanks Jobelle, for giving me my love for Taeyang back. haha!!

eventhough i watched it many times, i want to watch again and again. *do 2PM dance..again and again and again and again*

ok...im outs...*close door behind*

am i sick?

2009-10-06T12:34:00.002+08:00

i am having nausea feeling and i feel really wavvy...i dunno how to say it..

like swaying. yeah...i feel like i am swaying...

am i sick? what happened man....

*pray pray pray*

I want it~~

2009-10-06T00:42:00.003+08:00

the 3 things that i most want are...

I want them but they total up to cost a bomb....oh well, no more eating this month? hahah!!

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I envy ants. they are so strong. they can lift up things 10 times their weight and can go over anything and everything without fear of falling. can go up the highest wall without any fear of falling or being left behind. ants are cool. I wish I am as strong as an ant. haha!

Taeyang - Baby I'm So Sorry

2009-10-05T11:28:00.003+08:00

I’M SO SORRY BABY
JUST GIVE ME ONE MORE CHANCE
ALL I HOPE IS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND, I
I WANT YOU BACK
HERE BY MY SIDE

i can’t forget and i keep calling
your name, but there’s no repsonse
i try to cover it and hide it, but it keeps coming up oh baby

once i get closer, you get further
even if you grab my two stretched hands
your disappear with white smoke
i call you in my dreams

(HOOK)
Baby I’m so sorry please forgive me now
Baby I’m so sorry
my memories become blurry from tears
my love,
i want to keep all the good memories in my heart

Baby I’m so sorry i hope you’re happy
Baby I’m so sorry
as long as you can smile, i’m fine.
(EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT
I WANNA HOLD U MA GIRL)

(Verse 2)

sometimes i wonder about what’s going on with you
i ask your friends about you
with a voice that sounds like i dont care

in your clear eyes
even if you have someone else in mind
as long as you keep that bright smile on your face
it’ll hurt, but i’ll be okay

(HOOK)

Baby I’m so sorry please forgive me now
Baby I’m so sorry
my memories become blurry from my tears
my love
i want to keep all the good memories in my heart

Baby I’m so sorry i want you to be happy
Baby I’m so sorry
as long as you can smile, i’ll be happy
(EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT
I WANNA HOLD U MA GIRL)

(Bridge)

could i hold you one more time ye in my arms
come back to me i’ll wait for you
i wont ever let go of your hand again
I just wand a be with u baby
can u tell me please What should I do

(Rap)

i was such an unfortunate[nerdy/poor/weird] guy
i can’t express how much i hated it with words
instead of saying i love you, i said i’m sorry, i’m sorry
i keep saying that, 100 times, 1000 times
if you hear me out, i’ll let it all go
and kneel infront of you like this
Yo please comeback to me baby

[if anyone noticed, this rap is GD's rap in 눈물뿐인 바보=a fool with only tears]

there’s no way i could say i’d forget you
i only know you
even one picture with you
i can’t throw it away, and i just look at it
probably if it wasn’t you
loving some one again

even if i wanted to, i couldn’t
if it’s not you, it’s no one
please comeback here

Baby I’m so sorry please forgive me now
Baby I’m so sorry
my memories become blurry from my tears
my love

i want to keep all the good memories in my heart
Baby I’m so sorry i want you to be happy
Baby I’m so sorry
as long as you can smile, i’ll be happy
(EVERYDAY EVERY NIGHT
I WANNA HOLD U MA GIRL)

I guess everyone has to say sorry sometimes and mean it too. but if said too many times, will it still have any meaning? will the meaning of sorry still be useful? the meaning of being apologetic and admitting ur wrong doing, will it have any impact anymore after saying it too many times? i really wonder...

I hope u are feeling ok. u know u can tell me anything. be it u are angry or be it u are sad or just wanna talk. u know u can tell me..

I am moved by Cassies. This time, is China Cassies

2009-10-04T18:53:00.004+08:00

I am moved by Cassies all over the world. hahaha!!! now, China, Shanghai. I wish I was there. Credits from onetvxq.com

What are they holding up? Midoyoh....

Dong Bang Shin Ki will thank you for making their day and making the concert a memorable one. We love you DBSK and will believe in you. Midoyoh..

hilmi's birthday in class..

2009-10-02T15:25:00.002+08:00

happy birthday dude. enjoy ur new car. Oops! New TOY car.

bad impression

2009-10-02T14:40:00.004+08:00

you gave a bad impression on urself. I have a bad impression on u.

you talk while people are presenting. if u talk softly like whispering, i can understand but your voice kindda drowns mine. And well, its rude yes...so, its a little bit irritating to me. u come to this class to score or to joke? u sure u want to joke? u are wasting ur time here...why are u here anyways? i know i am not anyone that u should have high respect to but, i am human. There is something called mutual respect. you talk i listen, i talk you listen and you dont talk. BTW, this is not refering to hilmi. hilmi is harmless...

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In other news, hilmi is finding trouble with everyone. aahaahha!! well, trying to but i guess he pass and fail occasionally. hahaah!!

the whole class agrees that she is not being the best that she is. She teach with reference to the 6P...but no other extra information to help us to understand better. kindda hard for us all rite? haiz.....

Other than these...nothing interesting about today....only that today is FRIDAY and and and ...I ate from the Japanese stall. omg...hahaha!! its was ok...i still prefer the ARTBITES at TRCC. nyahaha!!

and i have this new thought...should we just give up?

I am down down down down down....I think.

2009-09-29T21:52:00.002+08:00

Maybe its the period problem or maybe it is just me thinking too much but when my aunty said those words, I have this feeling of guilt. I have a feeling that it is my fault. It is my fault that all those clothes that were just bought went missing all of a sudden.

The thing is, there are some clothes that my mom just bought. That time, before hari raya, I cleaned up the area and put all the new clothes that she bought into her wardrobe. I remembered precisely that I placed all those clothes into her wardrobe and closed the door. I don't remember if my mom gave them back to me or took it out and put it somewhere else. I don't have that memory. I don't have that moment in my memory at all.

What she said was, "aminah, PLEASE, help ur mom find the new clothes. She buy so many already then suddenly gone. Help her find. Have sympathy on her. please..can go and find?" At this time, mom is not home, she went to work already...she working night shift.

After she said this, I felt guilty. So guilty that I felt angry. I felt that she is saying it is my fault that it went missing in the first place. IDK....i just have that feeling out of the blue...maybe it is my hormones because of the mensus...that is why i dont like them. erk!

In other news.....Yunho is known to be the PERFECT leader and person. read on at http://dbsknights.blogspot.com/2009/09/trans-yg-magazine-september-issue.html

yes...yunho is great. hahah! but i still have more love for changmin. haha!! So, now, it becomes Min-Ho~! ahahhahah!!! ok..bye!

first lab session for Pharm Chem

2009-09-29T14:30:00.002+08:00

it was ok i guess. Our compound was running low. Literally low. Can only do 2/6 experiments. hahaha!!! but it was fun. I spilled a bit on my labcoat though. hahahah!! i am going to smell of it until i wash it. SHMELL...

It was ok. can be done. hahah!! with the help of everyone to answer any question and also clarify any doubt at all... hahaha!!

today is hilmi's birthday!! took pictures and cut cake and ate cake. hahahaha!! funny. was fun though. Oh! and just now, solving the problem...used the wrong result. lols. Sue Yee gave the wrong one and I didnt check. so, i guess its ok....hahaha!! no one's fault. ahaha!! XD! It will be up soon the pictures..i still cant find it. hahaha!!

what have i learnt?

2009-09-24T14:24:00.002+08:00

I feel that I have learned nothing from this holiday module. I really feel that I have become really stupid from going to this holiday lesson. Even though it is related to pharmaceutical sciences and it is related to my diploma, if I don't understand anything, what is the point in that? Now I really, really, really from the bottom of my empty heart, that I have regretted taking this course. I should NOT have done that. Now regretting. I think no matter what I do also, I cant absorb it and in the end I have less understanding of what I am suppose to learn. ]

Even though it is only the 4th day of the module, I should at least learn something out of all these things. But I feel that I have lost everything and that I have learned nothing. Which makes me feel that I have become stupid and even stupider as the days go by....

Seriously, I am regretting. A lot. Can I stop going to this module?

Hari Raya so far...

2009-09-21T16:55:00.002+08:00

Ok...today is the 2nd day of hari raya and my mom made an open house for everyone to come and visit. I am scared. That is the truth. I am scared of the crowd. T.T

seriously man...I have the fear of relatives. They are very scary. Rite now I am in my room, cooped up in my room and trying my best to stay away from the crowd. But then, now that I think about it, I am letting my mom down. She made this open house then, I am sort of not helping her. I should sit outside but there is nothing to do there. Not that there is literally nothing to do but they are scary!!!! I don't dare to even talk to them. T.T

One of my relatives' family have soooooo many guys!! haiyo!!! I feel so paisey. so so paisey. And they are around my age, some are only a few years older. So paisey sia!!! seriously.

It is already 5PM and I am still hoping for the day to end....sigh...

Hari Raya

2009-09-19T23:43:00.006+08:00

Hari Raya is today. Today is the official hari raya day. happy hari raya to all. my brother will not be joining us this year's hari raya. he is stuck in brunie for NS. wwe are sending over a video for him. hhahaa!! hope it turns out nice. I am the editor. Hohohoho! *taec laugh* i really hope he enjoys it. hahah!!

i am listening to Sakura by Ikimono Gakari and somehow, it gives me a lonely kind of feeling. Idk. maybe im just worried about this year's hari raya. I am worried if it will not be joyful. Iwworried that it may not be as joyful as last time's hari raya.

I am just hoping that everything will go on smoothly until I start school again on Tuesday.

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in other news, i found something new. Taec sings it. Not like with BJY or anything like that. he sings like Jaeboem make covers of other songs. You don't miss your water by Craig David. Nicely done even though there were some pitchy points to it. hahaha!! he cant reach to high notes, so what...hahaah!!! i think its from some radio show they that did. not sure when....

and this is Craig David's version.

The song is really nice...i think it can relate to Jaebeom's incident. Their brotherly love will never die. Wherever, whenever.

Today was good relief

2009-09-19T00:50:00.002+08:00

today went to school for first lesson of the holiday module.
Was a little bit too much to handle.
Felt suffocated. Well, it was suffocating. Really.
Too many things all at once.
Recap was too much.

Went to Daiso. Finally.
With Jobelle aka Jobble. hahahha!!!! joking joking.
Bought: chestnut, coffee w milk in a bottle, whiteboard marker, rice ball maker and compass.
Was a great relief from stress of the world.
When things get rough, go shopping. Yes.

Had fun. Thank you youjachingu.
I needed it.
Lucky I agree to go with you.
And thanks for hearing me out...good that you didn't want me to continue cos it might get weird for you.
seriously.

Good day to all.

What have I been up to lately?

2009-09-18T04:23:00.004+08:00

Making many many kuehs. 8 kinds to be exact.
Which includes ABC cookies
And Pretty Choco Chip Cookies! This one I make. hehhe. Looks so pretty once out of the oven. I shall make more if I have time and when I am bored. Muahaha!

I guess it's my fault? Chincha?

2009-09-17T16:02:00.003+08:00

I think it is official that that man (father of the family) hates me. He literally hates me and can't stand me. I think this is true. This guy is actually my father, but I don't consider him as one. So, from now on, I will not be using 'my father', I will be using that man. Ok, so back to the topic.

Why I said that he hates me and cannot stand the idea of me? Because he don't want to associate with anything that has me in it, he don't even want to call out my name. This is real. haha!!

Today, we are doing spring cleaning. While it was going on, he was clearing out the store room, mom was in brother's room playing with the baby and I was in the living room. I just woke up and just finished bathing so, yeah. I was just there sitting, minding my own business. As I cannot close my ears, I can hear their conversation because one is outside and one is inside a room, so they talk kindda loud. They were talking about some tent belonging to my cousin's family. Then, my mom asked him to call me to come over. I was sooo near and he was like in between me and my mom. But, guess what he said?

He said, "Go call her yourself lah."

He doesn't even look at me nowadays. And somehow I have this 50/50 feeling in me. What I mean is that half of me feels relief that he do not want to associate with me in anyway possible and that side of me feels soooooooooooooooso happy about it. The other half, however, feels sad. Really sad about it. Sad that he hates me so. yeah..shocking isn't it?

Then, I have this thought. Can I not proceed with the forgiving and asking for forgiveness tradition that is done during hari raya? I don't mind doing it with other people, I just don't want to do it with him. That's all. It is said that during hari raya, it is the time for forgiving and forgiveness. I don't think I could do that with him and I don't think he can do it with me too. It will be insincere if we do it but not wholeheartedly. So, can I not do it?

Didn't go the outing today. I so sad I couldn't join them. Really leh...

And now, I can't wait to start school to go away from that man. I can help the others but I just can't stand him. I guess I was right to not like him since last time. Or is it my fault? Is it something that I did wrong that made him like this? Is it me who made him this way? After thinking about it this way, maybe Niga Mibda can relate to me..

This phrase:

[Chansung] I hate you to death (even more you, who are like this)
I hate myself to death (even more me, who is like this)
[Junsu] I hate you so much I could die, I hate you
I hate myself so much I could go crazy, I hate myself
I I hate myself for being like this
[Jaybeom] I hate you so much I could die, I hate you
I hate myself so much I could go crazy, I hate myself
I I hate myself for being like this

Maybe not fully relate to me but there is a little bit of it. Maybe just the I hate you to death. yup..hahah!!

What should I do now? I can't even talk to him and he won't even look at me in the face. What now?

Siao. Really siao. Chincha Michin. Michin Sekia.

2009-09-16T02:08:00.002+08:00

He said i was the worst baby in the family last time. He also said that I am still the worst. I turned out bad. He is saying that I am not a good child. Worst child he had. Among 5 children, he said I am the worst.

I don't really care much anymore. And for that I shall now will never consider him as a father of mine. Seriously, which father would say that about his own kid? No parent would unless they are Michin Sekias...The reason why I don't want to consider him as my father is because I don't want him to take care of me anymore. I don't want to be taken care of by him. And now, I say thanks. Thanks to him. Thank you for saying that. Now, you have just lost a daughter. Thank you and good night.

These kind of people has nothing better to do or they are just sick in the mind. That's for sure.

2009-09-14T01:25:00.005+08:00

Firstly, 'These people' refers to people who are creating trouble and problems for other people. This includes those people who made Jay Park go back, making him be guilt-filled the whole time and while doing performance; and not surprisingly, my father.

Many other artists in the Korean Pop world are backing Jay up. They are giving him support and cheering him on.

What EunHyuk says about Celebrities' lives...It seems to be somewhat true. There will always be critics that would do their best to bring them down and when they (the celebrities) are already down, they will still kick them, hard. I took this from another website (http://sookyeong.wordpress.com/2009/09/13/super-junior-eunhyuks-latest-cyworld-post-celebrities-they-live-on-stage-and-die-on-the-internet/#more-17093). The person has credited it and it is from rocket@sj-world.net. It will be at the bottom of that post. This is what Eunhyuk said and I think I agree with him after knowing about Jay's incident.

"A celebrity…

A job where it’s confirmed from the front, behind…and beside…

In front, they have fans who love them, and celebrities are smiling while watching those fans.

Behind them, there are several arrows flying at and piercing their backs.

Unintentionally, the flying arrows sometimes even pierce the fans that are in front.

On both sides, there are masses of people are watching over their front and back.

Even if their back becomes covered in blood from the arrows piercing from behind, they must smile for the sake of the fans that cheer them on and support them.

If they smile and work hard till the end, the public who’s watching them on both sides will slowly move to the front.

However if they can’t handle it, and if they’re upsetted a little, (the public) moves to the back and even shoots arrows.

Celebrities don’t know how many people are behind them, or what kind of people or what reason they have for shooting the arrows.

They’re not allowed to turn around and find out either.

Because if they turn around, the fans in the front will become completely shocked when they see the arrows that pierced their back, and the moment they turn, their entire body will be struck with arrows…

No one knows what kind of people are shooting the arrows, what kind of expression they have, or what thoughts run through their minds as they shoot the arrows.

It’s just that they simply enjoy the act itself, and they like it if new celebrities (especially ones with lots of past personal life) come out.

Celebrities…

They live on stage and die on the internet…a job where it’s confirmed from front, back and side…

……that is a celebrity."

After reading this [YoujaChinggu forwarded it to me. Thanks to her resourcefulness. haha!], I guess being in the public eye, you must know what you are facing. Being in the public eye puts you in a state where you have and must be a perfectionist and that if you have any background that is 'interesting', you'll just have to be careful and pray hard that they will never find out about it. Also, there are 3 main groups of people one has to face when one is in the public eye; the fans, the critics and the general public. All I have to say is, good luck and repeat of my title: These people just don't have anything to do or are just sick in the mind (like to see people not being happy).

Ok, that's that for the people who made Jay feel the way he feels now.

Next, my father. Actually, seriously, now I don't know should I consider him as my father or not. This is what happened...

Today I woke up late (1pm). There was a small gathering in my parents room about the new clothes that we went to buy yesterday. The people who went to get those clothes were Mom, Dongseng/little brother and myself. We went to buy clothes for him, mom, sis, me, dongseng, grandpa and the housekeeper. The clothes we bought were white in color. The design was also not that bad. I actually liked it.

He only saw the clothes today because he was working night shift yesterday. So, the moment he saw it, he didn't like it and my mom gets the blame for it. He commented on the ladies clothes that it looked like rags. RAGS. [btw, we went all the way to Tanjong Katong Complex to get the clothes. Which is very FAR...] I took that as his own comments on them. Ok, fine.

Then, when he saw his clothes, he wasn't happy with it at all. He said white not nice, the patterns are like ladies' clothes patterns and he just threw it there. As if it worth nothing at all. [btw, its $60, top and bottom] He was angered by it, so, he went out of the room, to the balcony and kicked a takraw ball against the house gate repeatedly and with a lot of force, to so called relief his anger. [WTH?? btw, he really did this which is sooo childish. Dongseng went to check.]

Suddenly, a few minutes later, he came back into the room after leaving us speechless asking for the clothes again to try. I bet he didn't even tried it the first time he saw it. Anyways, he tried it. Then, said no need to go and exchange. My mom don't take that and had already decided to go and do an exchange [means to go back to Tanjong Katong Complex]. When he found out about it [I think she told him], he shouted at her. Literally shouted at her. "I said no need to go and exchange, why you still want to go and do the exchange?!" Literally shouted that at her. I was in my room and I could hear him.

In the end, we went to do the exchange. The whole time my mom kept quiet. The whole trip to Tanjong Katong. She tried not to show any emotions but in the end due to the heat, she became quite frustrated and was angry on the way back to Woodlands. We went to eat at Seoul Garden when we reached Woodlands [was already 7.15pm].

I think she wanted to go there because to relief the stress and pressure she was feeling. That's what she usually do when she is angry or upset or stressed. She would eat. Eat and eat until she was too full. Which is very, very, very unhealthy.

She was already getting crap from grandpa yesterday because he wasn't being very appreciative about her buying the clothes for him. She was really upset about that and was already upset with that. Today, she get this. I think she has the right to be angry and I think it is actually okay for her to throw her anger like that just now. Its not that big, its just anger. But she cooled down after that.

And now, I can't and I am serious when I say this, I can't stand looking at his face. At all. Even though he is the father of this family, he is not being one and also he is not being a good husband. He is not even supportive. He is just ... I rather not say that. Haiz...

Another thing also happened. In all that midst of exchanging the clothes, we forgot to bring one of the clothes for exchange. The clothes to be exchanged were 3 guys clothes and 3 girls clothes. We brought the guys clothes, but we only brought 2 of the girls clothes. Because of that, she got angry again and scolded us [me and dongseng]. We were wrongly accused. I asked dongseng about the clothes, he was not very helpful. -.-'''

Then, I remembered it was sister who was folding the clothes and putting them into the plastic bag. She didn't put the other one in. It was folded and left at one corner of a desk. -.- x2. Kind of silly thing to do. None of us checked it because we all thought everything was in the bag. And because of that, she had to spent an extra $50 to pay for the new clothes and also the exchange. Because there wasn't available size for the same price as the ones that we wanted to exchange, we had to get those of a different price. Then, it totally to being extra $10. The other clothe was about $40. So, close to $50 extra used today. Just on those clothes.

Such idiocy [the state of being an idiot]. All I can say is today was an 'eventful' day from the moment I woke up.

End of post. Sorry..so long.

events in my world..

2009-09-11T01:36:00.003+08:00

Not many events are happening anyways...haha!! even though its the holidays and hari raya is coming and all that, the atmosphere is still quite the same here in woodlands and also in the house. Not much things has changed, only some people's attitudes but nothing that cannot be handled. hehe..

event number 1: about Jay. Jay Park. Park Jaebeom. This news, if you are a kpop fan, you would know about it already. I am not going to elaborate it here. xP If you want it, go find it yourself (nyahaha!!) Oh and netizens, don't make new decisions and conclusions when you are angry. Wrong state of mind to make a decision. Seriously. It is a sad thing, it is a sad event but, some people are just going over board about this. Please think before you do anything. please. And Jay has thought about it to make that decision. :P he has the right to make a decision too. he is also human. grr.

event number 2: Okasan's birthday. Tanjeobi omedeto gozaimasu okasan!!! It was ok. Got to eat spring chicken and mee siam. Not bad. Kind of quiet for a birthday celebration. The whole time we were eating, the table was quiet. Sister in law was look down the whole time she was eating, her husband was busy with the baby, my dongseng was rushing thru his food cos got tuition, grandma was like being herself (which no one really wants to see and deal with..haiz...) and grandpa was being a pain like always. haiz...but the whole dining table was quiet. All you would hear was the sounds of the cutlery that everyone were using. I think its a bit of an awkward moment there. Not sure about the reason though..

event number 3: going out with friends. They want to have a normal friends gathering tmr at city hall at 630pm. Its not that I dont wanna go. If i could I would want to go. but my pockets are running empty. only have a single digit number of dollars in my wallet and pockets. and that is actually the total amount too. so, i think if i were to go out tmr, i will definitely be broke by the end of this week and i wont have enough for the official outing and celebration of SY bday next week. So, should I go? And then on saturday I have a bbq at ECP with NCC pals and officers. ORD for Herald. 2LT Herald. Well, i think thats how his name is spelled. HaHAhaha!! So, how?? T.T I am running short on cash and there are so many outings and events to do and go to. T.T how? how? how? どのように? 어떻게? Macam mana ni? haiz....

Now, I do not know what to do. I will ask my okasan about tmr's outing. If she says yes, then i will need to ask her for money. dunno if she would give me or not. T.T hwaiting! gambarimas!

I am having another problem. Sleeping problem. I keep sleeping pass midnight and close to like 5am. And then, I keep waking up very late becos of it too. I dont want this. It is unhealthy but unfortunately I cant get back to normal. I tried to sleep early but I cant seem to do it. I will start to daydream for almost close to 1 hour and sometimes more (scary sia) den I can sleep. And when I look at the time, its already close to 4am. XD!! haiz...maybe i need that sleep spray from body shop? nah...that would be a joke to my family cos, they know that I am the best sleeper in the house. NYAHAHAH!!!

Should I go jogging? I should right? haiz...i am disappointing him right now. My friend. My dear friend named Alfian. He is my personal trainer but we rarely see each other so he told me to do it by myself and he hopes that I will do it. Im doing what he told me to do but I feel that it is not enough. I still need to go jogging. Go and run. Run, Run, Run. I think I will. Soon. But not now. Now is 3am in the morning. Cannot. Later I will be scolded by my grandpa cos he is awake and sitting at the living room. I am not sure for what but he always sits there at this times. I guess he likes to sit there because of the cool air that flows into our house. It is nice. hahah!! I think I shall stop here. Too many things said already. Must save it for next post. See ya!!

I Dunno What is going on with me....lalalala

2009-09-07T17:59:00.003+08:00

Nowadays I'm not coming online as often as I usually do. It is close to never online for like 4 days. That happened before. hahah!! And becos of that, I think I have left somebody alone and that now, she is stress. I'm sorry. I think, now, I shall come online more often and not not come online that often. At least I think one day about 3 hours online can liao. Not too long, not too short also. Some more, if I am not online, I will lose out on 2PM and DBSK news updates.

Haiz...the reason for me not coming online is that I don't have the feeling to come online. Also, after break fast, watch tv..den look at the time, its already 2am. Cut down on watching tv? Maybe. Use internet more and use laptop more? Might get scolding. That infamous glare by that man. Bluek! So, thats why nowadays I don't come online that often.

I am trying to limit my use of this laptop cos, I scared it will affect the electric bill that my mother have to pay every month. She will be pissed if she knows I have been using my laptop too long every single day. Some more, there are alot of people in this house. So, there must be a give and take system. At least to help my mother out a little, I did not use my laptop. I havnt even watch my Japanese DVD yet...haiz...

And now I feel pissed off. I guess now, it is official that I really, really do not like my sister. Can say I hate her lah. I think if something were to happen to her, I won't be showing any emotions as reactions. Seriously.

Got to go now...byebye..

XP

2009-09-05T20:22:00.004+08:00

I have just been kicked out of the living room by him. He is NOT fasting today. I can't help it but to say this. He is such a fraud. A fake. Who am I talking about? Hint: who else would kick me out of the living room saying that I am taking up too much space? If u can answer this, you got the answer to whom I am talking about. I feel that I am the only one that is being picked on every time he is around. =.='''

It feels so unfair. Really unfair. How come everyone has to deal with him but he cannot deal with everyone else? Why change the big lot when you can actually just change that one problem, one small thing? And he still got the guts to tell me to go to my room and stop using my laptop. I'm not even disturbing him. I'm just sitting there and watching videos.

Since morning he has been glaring at me for I don't know what reason. I went to the supermarket to meet my mom. Then, I came back into the house alone. That's because my mom went to pay some tuition bill for my brother. (It's right across our house.) So, when I was home, carrying the groceries, he keep glaring at me. As if I have done something wrong. What did I do wrong? If I didn't do anything wrong, then, why was he glaring at me like I have done something super wrong? GGggrrr. It really makes my blood boil to my brain just thinking about it.

He wants to talk about space? He is not even using the space there, and I am taking up the space? He is taking up the fresh air is even worst than me taking up the space, ok?! I was only using the left corner of the coffee table. That's all. No where else. When he smokes, he takes up the air that everyone uses leh! That is even worst! Lucky there is no asthmatic people in this house. If there is, that person will have regular visits to the hospital. As if going in and out of a hotel.

And then, when I was in my room already, my sister said that I really deserve a scolding and that I was asking for it. Why? Because she said "people ask you to switch it off, you go change place only." I asked her back, "why can't I use my laptop? what's wrong with using my laptop?" All she could say was "nothing's wrong with that. I never say it's wrong." -.-* What kind of sister is that?

Now I really can't wait to get out of this house. I can't wait to get busy again with school. Really. I would rather go to school than see their faces now. (Their = him, sister, grandma, grandpa.)

Everything was going on just great when suddenly he starts to have his "usual" tantrums that affects the whole family. (I'm actually being chased to go pray while I'm typing this out.) Actually, to be exact, for the first 3 days of this fasting month, he did not gave any problems. He was eating with the family, was praying and was being really happy and have a good feeling about this year's fasting month. And then, all of these have to come to a stop. It just HAD to stop. He just have to make it to stop.

Wild Bunny is going to have their last episode next week. No more laughter...I need Wild Bunny. Right now, that is the only thing that is helping me feel a little better about this situation. When it is not showing anymore, I think I am going to have a hard time dealing with it.

Aminah Hwaiting. Assa assa hwaiting. Sorry that this might have sounded like I'm very upset.

HAIZZZ

heheheeh

2009-09-02T00:04:00.006+08:00

now, i find Hwang Chansung sexy. hahhah!!! this is due to Dirty Eyed Girls and Wild Bunny Episode 6. hahahaha!!!!

its really seductive but at the same time, he looks like a woman. NYAHAHAHA!!! Sorry Jobelle, this is the 1/8 that u allowed me to share with you~~!! :D

I think I ate too much of the baked beans. Now have the feeling of wanting to puke it out again. Goosebumps coming out already...:S

Taecyeon-shii help me....i feel like puking. feel like vomiting. make it go away~~

coming over to help me fight away puke feeling
Thinking of a way to get rid of puking feeling
With the help from Nickkhun, sharing his ultimate plan, to help me get rid of puking feeling
Looking the puking feeling in the eyes, Grrr~ROAR!

And hopes that I will feel better....*smile*

How I wish this is true...oppa~~~ help me~!! I need both my Oppas' help. T.T
Haiz...wish me luck. Hearts to both of my Oppas~! Changmin-oppa and Taecyeon-oppa! :)

lalalallaaalala~

2009-09-01T14:29:00.004+08:00

Fasting month start already. 11 days passed. Today is the 12th day. I managed to only fast 8 days due to women's problems...FYP also started already. Today is the 2nd session for G302. bluek!~

Sian sia..nowadays keep getting tummy ache, keep going to toilet. I think cos not eating, so give time for stomach to digest the food. ahahah!! listening to Seung Ri now. ahhaha!! somehow he sounds sexy, looks cute but i pity him. always bullied by other Big Bang members. hahah!!!

Taecyeon-shii get well soon..get ur sexy voice back too~..missing you already. hope that in Episode 7 of Wild Bunny you will get ur voice back again and be the way that you are again~ Sarangheyo~~!! 사랑해~~!! Missing you deep voice, serious. haaha!!!

I just bought a gold ring. My mom bought for me. hahah! It's just a simple ring. Nothing big. Cos if its big, then I will be scared to go out with it everyday. HAHAHAHA!!!

Dad is giving attitude to the family because of Atok Boy. Mom is getting pissed off because of Atok Girl and Atok Boy. Serious sia...the elderly in the house are giving a lot of problems leh...-.- Even my Mom can't take it. I think one day she would really explode because of these things. And then, the elderly might end up else where --> old folks home? There might be a chance that they will go there if they keep this up.

And now, I hate my FYP.

yeay yeay yeay....!!!! hearts hearts hearts

2009-08-21T02:52:00.005+08:00

I AM IN LOVE....XD

i am in love with so many right now....I have new loves :D

Seung Ri from Big Bang
Taeyang from Big Bang
Chung Lim
Yoo Gun

I am soo...hearts hearts over them now....Especially Seung Ri...weeeee~!!!

Now, my hearts are more...
- changmin
- taecyeon
- jaebeom
- wooyoung
- rain --> just his voice, i think. hahaha!!
- siwon
- chung lim
- taeyang
- seung ri --> killed by his stare....x)
- yoo gun --> stole me away the moment i saw him on tv. hahahah!!!

images of new hearts..

KKYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! i am seriously dieing....hahahaa!!!!! sarangheyo!!!

yeay!!!

2009-08-18T11:52:00.002+08:00

school ending, tests coming up, no more school for 3 weeks, relaxation time....:)

i wonder if i should go to NCC. SSC. hmm...nyehehe

happy advanced birthday to Debra Cheah. Sorry I won't be able to celebrate your birthday with u, fasting month.

for some reason, i feel really pissed off. really angry leh. and the thing is, i don't even know that bloody reason. emo sia....grr!!!!!

i want to go on a roof and scream. really really scream my heart out!....haiz....